there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
