My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
