He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize