Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
