even my farts smell like vagina
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
