Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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