so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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