Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
