Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
whose parrot is this?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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