There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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