I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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