I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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