Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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