My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
