If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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