I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize