What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
