Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
