It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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