my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
