dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
