everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
