I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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