Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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