Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Randomize
