we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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