I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
