On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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