Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
