He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
