I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
