4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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