party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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