I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Randomize
