your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
