i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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