it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
