if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
