I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
