I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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