margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
