That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and she was petting her beer can
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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