Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
