you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
