All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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