You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
