my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
