dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
