Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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