I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
