From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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