Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
