I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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