apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
