I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
