I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
