if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Boobs are out for the taking
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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