dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
