Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
