At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
