Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
