He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
