He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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