Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Send help, water and tortillas.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
