you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
