remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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